Loneliness is the Darkest Shade of Blue
by PplusAforever
Summary: Percy has reached a low point. Sometimes, he doesn't think it's worth it anymore.
1. Chapter 1

Loneliness is the Darkest Shade Blue

Percy gave a weary, half-hearted smile.

"Happy birthday, Percy!" his mom cried, also wearing a tired smile. There was nothing happy about his birthday this year.

Percy blew out the candles, the smoke creating a wisp in the air, leaving behind the waxy smell. Percy stared at the cupcake. The blue frosting seemed to taunt him, with a single, grey candle firmly in the center.

"Percy, don't just sit there, eat it!" She plucked the candle out for him. But, Percy sat there. Paul gave him an encouraging pat on the back. Percy looked to his right, where Annabeth usually sat.

He used to blow out the candles, say something goofy, and make her laugh. She'd throw her arms around him, plant a kiss on his cheek, and call him a Seaweed Brain.

Percy blinked, suppressing his tears from the memory. His mom took notice, wrapping her arms around his chest from behind. She wore a perfume that Percy recognized from his childhood. It was an ocean scent. Calming, for Percy. _Gods_ , Percy thought.

"I didn't know it would be like this. I don't _want_ it to feel like this." He said aloud. His mom nodded.

"I know, Honey," she said, "I know."

This was just the first year he had spent without her. Percy wondered if it would ever get better. Maybe it only got worse. He couldn't live with himself.

"I-I should have been there, Mom." His voice wavered. "It was right there. . . in my dad's domain"

"No, Percy. Stop that. You know that's your fatal flaw. There's nothing you could have done. You weren't with her."

Percy hated when someone said something logical. He did, after all, beat himself up about it. When someone he cared about got hurt, he immediately blamed himself every time. His fatal flaw was always putting those he loved before himself. And now, Annabeth. . . she wasn't just hurt. She wasn't coming back this time.

Percy picked up his cupcake, trying to avoid having to talk about his feelings. He didn't want to make anything worse.

"Thanks for the party, Mom"

She kissed his forehead.

"Anytime, Percy. I'm sorry it's just me and Paul. . ." she faltered, biting her lip.

"It's okay, Mom."

He knew why she paused. Percy hadn't seen his brother Tyson since Annabeth died. He almost took the news worse than Percy. Tyson loved Annabeth more than he loved peanut butter. And Tyson _loved_ peanut butter. Percy's best friend, Grover, had moved across the world, trying to find other demigods, and help the Nymphs, and dryads, and other nature spirits. Percy actually hadn't seen him in years, other than the occasional Iris Message. Percy was all alone whenever he wasn't visiting his mom.

Percy finished his last bite, and scooted his chair back, scraping it across the tiled floor. He turned to face his mom, who was weeping her greying hair from her face. Percy embraced her.

"I love you, Mom. And I'm sorry for everything."

"Percy, you have nothing to apologize for!" Sally exclaimed. Percy didn't respond. In a few hours, Sally might just see why he was apologizing.

Percy stood on the top of the Empire State building. It was after hours, so nobody was there. He had tricked the guard by telling him he needed to get to Olympus, but he didn't. That's one of the last places he wanted to be. Percy stood on the rail of the observation tower, staring at the ground below.

 _I'm sorry, Mom._

He paused.

 _Gods, what am I doing?_

Percy began to sob.

 _I don't want this_. _She wouldn't want this._

Suddenly, a flash of light came from his left. Startled, Percy slipped, beginning his fall towards the traffic below. A strong hand caught his wrist. Percy looked up to startling, intense, grey eyes.

"A-Annabeth?" He gasped. He blinked, his vision coming into better focus. He was staring into the face of Athena. Percy began to sob harder as the goddess pulled him back up.

"Did you really think you could commit suicide this close to Olympus without the gods taking notice?" Athena asked, seemingly staring into Percy's soul.

"I-I couldn't do it. I can't do it. I don't want to do it," Percy confessed.

"Be a man, Perseus." Athena berated. "Years ago, you turned down immortality to stay with my daughter. Is this why? To be able to throw yourself off a cliff when you get a little depressed? I convinced your father to let me talk to you. I'm sure his 'help' would simply encourage you to jump"

Percy grit his teeth. Was Athena mocking his pain?

"Tell me, Perseus. Would Annabeth want you to do this?"

Percy relaxed. He knew the answer, he just didn't want to admit it. Athena knelt down, getting in Percy's face.

"Annabeth didn't give herself up to save you just to have you end yourself. And, I understand your attachment to her. You, quite literally, went through Tartarus together." Athena shuddered. "I don't believe even Zeus himself would have been able to last in the horrendous abyss."

Thunder rumbled and Athena glared at the sky.

"And I mean it, Father. Perseus, you need to pull yourself together and start acting like the twice-decorated Savior of Olympus that my daughter knew. She would have left you in an instant if you were to mope like this around her."

Gods, Athena spoke even wiser than Annabeth. It just pained Percy more.

"I know we have had our differences in that past. I did not approve of your friendship with my daughter, but after I heard of what your deeds in Tartarus, I did. The person who would do everything to protect my daughter is proper company. She did nothing but return the favor for you. Go home, Percy, and stay strong. Remember her, don't mourn her"

She disappeared. Percy stood. That was the first time Athena had ever called him Percy. He left, making the long walk back to his house. Halfway home, he stopped and changed direction. He hailed a taxi and drove to Camp Half-Blood. The driver seemed confused that Percy wanted to be dropped off in the middle of a strawberry field at night, but he took his payment and drove off. It was late and campers were asleep, but Percy didn't care. He marched to the Athena Cabin and straight over to Annabeth's old bunk.

"What the Hades?" someone muttered. A few campers were angry until they saw that it was Percy.

"Good, gods, Percy. What are you doing here?" Malcom, Annabeth's brother asked. He rubbed sleep from his eyes.

Percy dug through Annabeth's chest, finding what he was looking for.

"I need her Shroud. We never burned it," Percy responded. "Please, just let me have it. I-I need this."

Malcom nodded. Percy rushed out, running back to his house. He wasn't sure where he found the energy to. He nailed the Shroud above his bed like a quilt, admiring the artwork. An owl was stitched in the middle, a trident in its beak. Symbolic of Athena's and Poseidon's children being at peace. He snatched up Annabeth's laptop and stayed up the rest of night, finishing Annabeth's designs. He was going to make sure she was proud of him the next time they met.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N I did a short rewrite of this story. I felt like there were some things I wanted to change. I hope you enjoy this version even more. I'm not deleting the previous version. You all can compare them and tell me what you think. Enjoy.

Percy gave a weary, half-hearted smile. This year, it didn't feel the same.

"Happy birthday, Percy!" his mom cried, also wearing a tired smile. Her eyes shone bright, hiding the sadness lurking close behind. There was nothing happy about his birthday this year. At least not to Percy.

Percy blew out the candles, the smoke creating a wisp in the air, leaving behind the waxy smell that he usually enjoyed. Percy stared at the cupcake. The blue frosting seemed to taunt him, with a single, grey candle firmly in the center creating the smoke trail that reminded him all too well of the shroud burning at Camp Half-Blood. Blue used to be his favorite. It symbolized the sea. Now, it only symbolized how he felt. Lonely.

"Percy, don't just sit there, eat it!" She plucked the candle out for him. She was upbeat, always trying to find the best in any situation. Percy was grateful for her, but he simply sat there. Paul gave him an encouraging pat on the back. Percy looked to his right, where Annabeth used to sit.

In the past, he would blow out the candles, say something goofy, and make her laugh. She'd throw her arms around him, plant a kiss on his cheek, and call him a Seaweed Brain. It was one of the few times out of the year Percy would see her completely relaxed and not in her serious work mode.

Percy blinked, suppressing his tears from the memory. His mom took notice, wrapping her arms around his chest from behind. Sally planted a kiss on the top of his head. She wore a perfume that Percy recognized from his childhood. It was an ocean scent. Calming, for Percy. _Gods_ , Percy thought. He grabbed her arm with his right hand.

"I didn't know it would be like this. I don't _want_ it to feel like this." He said aloud. Percy didn't like sharing this side of his emotions. It made him feel weaker than he already did. His mom nodded.

"I know, Honey," she said, "I know."

This was just the first year he had spent without her. Sure, he had gone twelve years before he ever met her, but ever since then he hadn't been separated – at least not without the knowledge that he'd see her again. Percy wondered if it would ever get better. Maybe it only got worse. He couldn't live with himself.

"I-I should have been there, Mom." His voice wavered. "It was right there. . . in my dad's domain. In _my_ domain."

"No, Percy. Stop that!" Sally scolded. "You know that's your fatal flaw. There's nothing you could have done. You weren't with her."

Percy hated when someone said something logical. Of course, Annabeth did all the time. That was different. He needed her logical thinking, _wanted_ her logical thinking. He didn't want to face common sense tonight. He did, after all, beat himself up about it. When someone he cared about got hurt, he immediately blamed himself every time. His fatal flaw was always putting those he loved before himself. And now, Annabeth. . . she wasn't just hurt. She wasn't coming back this time.

Percy picked up his cupcake, trying to avoid having to talk about his feelings. He didn't want to make anything worse for anyone.

"Thanks for the party, Mom," Percy said and he meant it.

She kissed his forehead.

"Anytime, Percy. I'm sorry it's just me and Paul. . ." she faltered, biting her lip.

"It's okay, Mom."

He knew why she paused. Percy hadn't seen his brother Tyson since Annabeth died. He almost took the news worse than Percy. Tyson loved Annabeth more than he loved peanut butter - and Tyson _loved_ peanut butter. Percy's best friend, Grover, had moved across the world, trying to find other demigods, and help the Nymphs, and dryads, and other nature spirits. Percy actually hadn't seen him in years, other than the occasional Iris Message. Percy was all alone whenever he wasn't visiting his mom. He could visit Camp Half-Blood, but Chiron had since passed and most of the campers were new blood that didn't know Percy or his story.

Percy finished his last bite, and scooted his chair back, scraping it across the tiled floor. The sound resonated in Percy's ears as a hollow screech. He turned to face his mom, who was sweeping her greying hair from her face. Percy embraced her.

"I love you, Mom. And I'm sorry for everything."

"Percy, you have nothing to apologize for!" Sally exclaimed. Percy responded only with a dry smile. In a few hours, Sally might just see why he was apologizing.

Percy stood on the top of the Empire State building. It was after hours, so nobody was there. He had tricked the guard by telling him he needed to get to Olympus, but he didn't. That's one of the last places he wanted to be. Percy stood on the rail of the observation tower, staring at the ground below. The entrance to Olympus seemed to be the most fitting place to die.

 _I'm sorry, Mom._

He hesitated.

 _Gods, what am I doing?_

Percy began to sob. He clinched his fists and pressed them both to his temple, screaming at the top of his lungs.

 _I don't want this_. _She wouldn't want this._

Suddenly, a flash of light came from his left. Startled, Percy slipped, beginning his fall towards the traffic below. A strong hand caught his wrist. Percy looked up to startling, intense, grey eyes.

"A-Annabeth?" He gasped. He blinked, his vision coming into better focus. He was staring into the face of Athena. Percy began to sob harder as the goddess pulled him back up.

"Did you really think you could attempt suicide this close to Olympus without the gods taking notice?" Athena asked, seemingly staring into Percy's soul. Her voice was harsh as always.

"I-I couldn't do it. I can't do it. I don't want to do it," Percy confessed.

"Be a man, Perseus." Athena berated. She waved her hand dismissively. "Years ago, you turned down immortality to stay with my daughter. Is this why? To be able to throw yourself off a cliff when you get a little sad? I convinced your father to let _me_ talk to you. I'm sure his 'help' would simply encourage you to jump faster."

Percy grit his teeth. Was Athena mocking his pain?

"Tell me, Perseus. Would Annabeth want you to do this?"

Percy suddenly realized the tension in his body. He relaxed. He knew the answer, he just didn't want to admit it vocally. Athena knelt down, getting in Percy's face.

"Annabeth didn't give herself up to save you just to have you end yourself. And, I understand your attachment to her. You, quite literally, went through Tartarus together." Athena shuddered. "I don't believe even Zeus himself would have been able to last in the horrendous abyss."

Thunder rumbled and Athena glared at the sky.

"And I mean it, Father. But you, Perseues. You made it through. And you are the only reason my daughter made it through. You need to pull yourself together and start acting like the twice-decorated Savior of Olympus that my daughter knew. She would have left you immediately had you moped like this during her life."

Gods, Athena spoke even wiser than Annabeth. It just pained Percy more.

"I know we have had our differences in that past. I did not approve of your . . . _friendship_ with my daughter, but after I heard of what your deeds in Tartarus, I did. The person who would do everything to protect my daughter is proper company. She did nothing but return the favor for you. Go home and stay strong. Remember her, don't mourn her. Celebrate the time you had together. I think you've known since the day you met the Fates that you would be met with heartache in your life. Accept that and continue being Percy Jackson, Hero of Olympus."

She disappeared. Percy stood. That was the first time Athena had ever called him Percy. He left the observation deck, beginning the long trek back to his mom's house. Halfway home, he stopped and changed direction. He hailed a taxi and rode to Camp Half-Blood. The driver seemed confused that Percy wanted to be dropped off in the middle of a strawberry field at night, but he took his payment and drove off. It was late and campers were asleep, but Percy didn't care. He marched to the Athena Cabin and straight over to Annabeth's old bunk.

"What the Hades?" someone muttered. A few campers were angry until they saw that it was Percy. Then they got concerned.

"Good, gods, Percy. What are you doing here?" Malcom, Annabeth's brother asked. He rubbed sleep from his eyes.

Percy dug through Annabeth's chest, finding what he was looking for.

"I need her laptop. She never finished her designs."

Malcom nodded, seemingly understanding.

"Could you just show up in the morning next time?"

Percy cracked his first real smile in a while. Percy rushed out, running back to his house. He wasn't sure where he found the energy to. He crept back upstairs. Percy opened the computer and pulled up Annabeth's designs. He stared at directions for a few minutes before opening up a Google tab.

Letters do not belong in math he told himself.

He didn't know what he was doing but he was going to figure out and by Zeus, Annabeth was going to be proud of him the next time they met.


End file.
